I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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