At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
