I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just want nice things and good sex
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
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