remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
