The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
