A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize