End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
