I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
