if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
