we're chasing vodka with high fives
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize