I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
