defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
