Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
