It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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