pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You need Xanax blowdarts
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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