I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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