So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
