ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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