woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
