His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
