really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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