its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize