oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
