You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
