My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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