Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
