Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize
