3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
