i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
