oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Randomize
