apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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