i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
