I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
