I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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