I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
