is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
