two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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