last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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