but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
