You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
