the condom got lost in my hair
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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