Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
