i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
