Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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