I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize