well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
