I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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