I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
We just shotgunned beers for America
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
