she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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