Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
