What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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