In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
