just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
