hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Randomize
