I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
