So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
