I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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