I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
