If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
