I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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