don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
