I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Randomize
