sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
you would pick up someone in the library
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
