Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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