I CAN MOONWALK!
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
