My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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