You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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