Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
