What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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