did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
