We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
