you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
