when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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