i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
you would pick up someone in the library
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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