my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize