This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
