Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Randomize
