So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
