Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize