I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
