who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
two words: eviction party
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
