I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
