It's like a parade of train wrecks.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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