please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
