I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
