i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
My balls are so social today.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
