time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize