at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
