just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
