very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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