why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
