do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
