i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize