I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
