my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize