bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
