I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
