Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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