fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
