Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
