Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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