He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
