I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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