Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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