I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
This is my gift to your gina
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize