I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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