is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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