He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
