Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
So many bounce houses so little time
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
